Goodbye, Pa

Your suffering has ended. Our grief continues. Love remains.

Born into a large family without much financial support,  through self-motivation, you got a degree, became a teacher, Principal and retired from the Ministry of Education. Mum could not afford a university education and when she met you, she was a part-time proof-reader. Because of your encouragement, she went for teacher training and became a beloved teacher for over 40 years.

You did this for many lives. You patiently tutored us and your nieces and nephew, giving us a strong foundation in education.

You gave us a stable, peaceful home. Not once did I hear you raise your voice. Your and mum’s love for each other is a beacon of light.

I just learned from S that she was at a crossroads and came to see you decades ago. You listened to her career dilemma, became very quiet and said: “Do what You want”. She said this line liberated her to listen to her True Self, as she looked up to you alot. She then entered tertiary teaching and has been a much loved educator there.

You looked like a traditional man and took the stable route of civil service and yet you supported me,  who chose to live in my own unconventional ways – quitting meat, working in the nonprofit sector etc etc. It couldn’t have been easy but you always stood by me and gave me freedom to do what I wanted.

You planned everything, including your funeral, and went over the details with me years ago. You specified what rites you wanted and didn’t want.  People commented that the funeral was simple, quiet and peaceful, without heavy ceremonies. You were brave in breaking tradition, even leaving instructions for me to not listen to elders who may try to over-write your wishes.

P, your ex-colleague when you were Principal decades ago, came to the crematorium. She said you were a kind mentor and friend. And revealed that when she became Principal of a school, you called her once, pretending to be an angry parent. We laughed, in celebration of your humour, which everyone remembers. You were an interesting combination of firm, kind and funny.

I never wanted to be an educator when I was young. I always thought I was so different from you and mum. But I am an educator now. Character’s important to you both as it is for me. Service is core to you both as it is core to me.

After you’ve left, I’m discovering with poignant surprise and wonder that despite outward appearances, we’re more alike than I believed.

Thank you for your LOVE, and being the stable ground and supporter to our family and other lives we will never fully be aware of.
We continue serving, as you Served us, the public, your students and colleagues.

As your coffin disappeared, I was unexpectedly moved to bow deeply three times, with my hands in prayer position.
What a gentle, Great Spirit you were, Pa.

Love, Reverence and another Deep Bow,
Vadivu